tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7551540333468323896.post1239279429094046444..comments2023-04-28T00:31:54.009-07:00Comments on National Poetry Reading Month, 2011: A Walk Through Victoria's Secret - When I Was the MuseFeatherless Bipedhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/02207055312949249371noreply@blogger.comBlogger2125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7551540333468323896.post-42427431719326307872011-06-27T05:38:30.106-07:002011-06-27T05:38:30.106-07:00You know, Jeanne, on the first read through, I lik...You know, Jeanne, on the first read through, I liked it. But then when I went back I had to think, why did she introduce the male model? All that is said about him, is that 1) N knew him from another class, 2) he is hot and 3) he seems at ease. Then he's dropped. While she is positioned and drawn and she wanders around observing herself while the artists are on break, he is just dropped. The two models aren't even skillfully juxtapositioned. It seems so much more could have been done with the two models. Otherwise, why even put him in there? There was a complete poem without him. And the rest of the set-up could have been accomplished with fewer words. In fact, she falls into that bad habit of telling rather than showing - too often. That very abstract ending you mention? That wasn't the ending. She wanders into more telling and more abstraction.Lauriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18359287835608411223noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7551540333468323896.post-42107775359939953882011-06-26T22:36:55.295-07:002011-06-26T22:36:55.295-07:00Hmm, everything about that poem sounds very compel...Hmm, everything about that poem sounds very compelling to me. As someone always fascinated w/ the psychology of why we do what we do, I'd want to know all that middling stuff you described as seeming more superfluous. And the end part is a fine bit of writing indeed, setting up the very abstract ending w/ some fine, and near chilling imagery that drives it all right home.Jeanne Ghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17181102170152075577noreply@blogger.com